Uggghhh...ever have just one of those days that you just hate your body, hate the way you look...everything about yourself! Yep, having one of those days! I was fine up until around 6:30 tonight when hubby & I stopped at Walmart to do some birthday shopping for our son, Keegan. Hubby's best friend is getting married on the 7th and Hubby is one of the best men (there are 3 best men) so of course he's going to be in a tux, lookin all sexy GQ so I want to find a dress *gulp* to wear so we can get pictures taken together and get all dolled up for a change. Well, mind you I haven't worn a dress for YEARS! I think in the last 7 years I've probably worn a skirt MAYBE a dozen times, maybe a little more but a dress...heck no! So lately, after having lost some weight (it's fluctuating around 16-19lbs, depending on the week LOL) I actually had bought a skirt and worn it! Amazing! I haven't worn a skirt in at least 3 years and I don't look too bad in it if you don't mind my pasty white legs and a few stretch marks in the bend of my knee oh and can't forget the varicose veins! LOL, so yeah, I look sexy! KIDDING! BUT, I don't care, I was wearing that skirt proudly! Well, tonight I look at some dresses at Walmart and let me just stop and ask WHY ON EARTH WOULD ANY DESIGNER MAKE A DRESS FOR FAT GIRLS OUT OF JERSEY OR ANY STRETCHY TYPE MATERIAL?!??!? I just knew it would look bad but I thought I'd give one a whirl just in case...no freakin way! It hangs on EVERY roll and looks absolutely hideous!! I try on 2 of them (different stretchy material) and want to start crying! I try on a skirt (also stretchy) and 2 random tops and they look awful which just makes me spiral down the self-loathing road! I just want to sit in the corner and cry my eyes out! As soon as I leave the dressing room, feeling totally defeated, I announce to hubby that "I'm not going to Moon's wedding!" Now I wouldn't really miss out on my husband's best friend's wedding just because I can't find something to wear but I sure as heck thought about it! LOL The wedding is in 10 days and now I'm feeling panicked that I'm not going to find anything nice enough to wear! I had hubby ask Moon (best friend's nickname) what i should wear to his wedding and he said something along the lines of something overalls...LOL! Really, he wouldn't care what I wore, he's a dude and all he cares is that we're there but dang it, I care! LOL I want my hubby to feel proud to dance with me, proud to be sitting with me and I want to feel good and not be worrying about if my fat is hanging out or whatever! I'm so sick of being fat! The crappy thing is that I get all depressed about my weight and it just makes me want to go eat a McDonalds angus burger or something! LOL I guess I've found out that I'm an emotional eater! HA HAH HAHAHAHAH
So anyways, anyone out there that makes dresses, please don't use stretchy material for plus size girls! LOL It isn't flattering and the sad part is some fat girls don't realize it and wear that stuff anyways! YIKES!
Pray for me, that I can find something ultra sexy/cute to wear to the wedding and that I feel good in it! Better yet, pray that I can wake up miraculously 100 lbs lighter by the day before the wedding! LOL I WISH!
Fifth Child! ~An open letter to Chip and Joanna
6 months ago